Someone tell me this is important...

Rapper Proof Killed; 1 of 2 Shot in Bar

Proof, a member of rap group D12 and a close friend of Eminem, was shot to death early Tuesday at a nightclub along Eight Mile, the road made famous by the 2002 film that starred Eminem and in which Proof had a bit part.

Sad... that, if I didn't pick this up... no one would have cared.. and probably still doesn't... hmmmmm

Federline Borderline...

What the hell is going on? after a failed attempt to get their son to drive the family SUV, Britney seems intent on getting Sean to pick up on free-falling...


Let's let the money take care of the parental issues and responsibilities...


And WHO are you kidding???

Let's let Child Welfare have the final say...

Any idea where that ball is going???

Thankfully.. no guns involved... phew!

Beat This Brangelina!

During her visit to Africa, Jessica takes a photo-call with small children in a village in Kenya, what she doesn't realise is she's adopted 97 Masai orphans. This makes Brangelinas adoption efforts pale into insignificance. Unfortunately these kids will probably have never heard her sing, what sheer joy for them to look forward to. Over here it might qualify as abuse.

Hopefully she will set up home there and spare us the next generation of the Newlyweds when she eventually remarries. Not much 'Chicken of the Sea' in Kenya. How do 'pretty people' get away with doing ugly things?

Silent Birth in Progress... Shhhhhhhhhh!!!

What is this all about? Sadly I don't understand the reasoning behind having a Silent Birth, but if Tom thinks it's good it must be, eh? Of course he knows all about it, mere mortals like me couldn't possibly know anything about it. Aren't Scientologists great?

I don't know how the alien delivery team will be able to arrive silently, I'm worried their reverse thrusters might be a trifle noisy, so let's hope she isn't in labor when they get here. Do you think they've set off already? They must have foretold this event several hundred light years ago. Hey, maybe the eclipse yesterday had something to do with it, gosh this is so exciting!

I know there has been a move back to natural birth, but what is natural about a silent birth? If Katie can avoid any exclamation, and for that matter, any expletives for the duration of the birth, she's a better man than Tom. Maybe she was selected by the alien force because she is too young to know any expletives. One way they could ensure silence of course would be to have the birth in a vacuum.
What's sign language for push?

I wonder if we will see any UFO's in the night sky? One thing's for sure they will be guided by the huge flying pig over the Tomkat estate.

'Sir Jones the Voice'

Like the funeral director in the Welsh Valleys is commonly known as "Dai the Death", Tom is affectionately known by his compatriots as "Jones the Voice", until recently this was probably the best accolade for his services to music.

Today probably one of his biggest, but most discreet fans, Queen Elizabeth, conferred a much deserved knighthood on 65 year old Tom Jones. It has been a pity for his followers in his homeland that over the years Tom was compelled to carve out his career abroad, mainly in Las Vegas. During his formative years consecutive myopic governments saught to tax the shirt off his back which his fans eagerly craved to remove with their teeth.

Tom Jones was not the only tax exile of his generation, Rod Stewart and Eric Clapton are but two others that have set up camp in the United States. The tax exile I'm sure turned into a genuine preference to be in sunnier climes which are also much more conducive to generating multi-million dollar careers. The Beatles moved out when they were paying nineteen shillings and sixpence out of every pound in taxes (that's 97cents on the dollar). So all in all the UK tax man has done many musicians, actors, artists and entrepreneurs a favor. Wouldn't it have been better to have had 20% of something rather than 97% of eff all! Aren't politicians great?

Subsequent governments, particularly Maggie's, started to relax things in the artists favor, but sadly as I said before, the US is a much better place for them to make the Big Bucks. The Talent and Brain Drain is still very much alive and well, inhabiting the old colony.

Wouldn't it be luverly...

Not that I really care about the timing, but wouldn't it be fun if Jennifer and Vince stole the Pitt-Jolie thunder by getting married first this week. I actually think that Jennifer and Vince are genuinely nice people, and, if this is their course I wish them all the very best. They strike me as happy people, and Vince is probably currently the best comedy actor at making Acerbic laugh. Jennifer behaves with a dignity beyond her years.

The other two seem to be burdened by everything in life, their public personae depict a couple living on the darker side of life, they are seldom seen smiling. Perhaps they're insecure, and have trust issues, after all they are both experts at screwing up relationships. I don't think they are nice people and hugging as many trees or orphans as they can will not change that.

It doesn't help things that I am still bitter about wasting my valuable time watching their last turkey!

Is There Anybody There?

How does it go... You can fool most of the people...? Three years after failing to contact Princess Diana on the other side, the show's producers will air another attempt, this time to reach beyond the grave and contact John Lennon. Perhaps they anticipate some divine intervention on this occasion since they probably believed him when he said he was more famous than Christ.

Their motive for resurrecting (excuse the pun) a failed and inherently flawed format, must surely be driven by a thirst for scientific and spiritual knowledge. But, hang on, why isn't the seance being shown on The Discovery Channel? Surprise surprise... It's on Pay-Per-View, not so daft eh? These canny producers flushed with the failure of screwing $14.95 from millions of viewers clamouring to hear Diana tell them 'who dunnit', are now going to extract $9.95 from unsuspecting Beatles fans. Aren't producers great?

Funny too that genius TV moguls even know the value of someone's spirit, how did they arrive at the relative charges? Do they perhaps feel they have a lesser chance of contacting John Lennon, or, did he bring joy to fewer people than Diana? The other thing is we know who murdered him so there's no 'added value' there. These miserable money grabbers should be told where to get off, and the viewing public should boycott the show... You know you won't get your money's worth! True Lennon fans would know he wouldn't want you to watch it.

The motive for, and the amount of work and creativity going into this show isn't worth the price to one viewer. Yoko was being polite in calling it "tacky"... Sordid is almost good enough for me.

This has to be top contender for the "Impeccably Bad Taste Hall of Fame"

What a Shambles of a Baby!

"Je suis un rockstar so je must have heroin, crack cocaine et marijuana..."

I'm beginning to think that there is a (de)generation out there of dim-witted twenty-to-thirty-somethings who believe more devoutly in the sex and drugs and rock and roll culture than their parents, who grew out of it just when they were born. What these 'nouveau-flowerfolk' fail miserably to realize is that flagrant, couldn't care less drug use will probably get you noticed.

Of course the really bright ones amongst them think that fame and the accompanying fortune will buy them out of a tight spot with the law. But, hold on, one of these brighter individuals after being caught twice in as many months, thinks he can plead guilty to possession of prohibited substances, walk outside the courtroom, kick a reporter in frustration and get some lenient non-custodial vacation. No wonder his supermodel girlfriend left him, laughably to lose her lucrative contracts and go into rehab herself.

His defense lawyer had the gall to ask for a delay in sentencing to see how this wunderkind progresses, doesn't the 'twice in as many months' give him a hint? And, he suggested that he didn't want a rush to sentencing which might go against the grain with his client - that only confirms the substance used for the defendant's brain! Aren't lawyers great?

I hope the judge, in the realization that leniency will swell the ranks of those already floundering in a mire of drugs, will throw the book at him and let the aforementioned reporter kick him up the arse all the way to jail.

Huff and Puff

What a kerfuffle over who said what and when and how... All of a sudden actors are afraid to come right out with political statements. Seemingly the freedom of speech they crave does not extend to blogging. Is it technophobia, or, perhaps more appropriately, paranoia that anything that they blog can and will be used against them in a court of law? They're really scared spitless of leaving size 11 email footprints all over the web.

All of this prejudges the notion that anyone would honestly care what an actor has to say politically. Even the political party so brutally emasculated (yeah right, tell us something new) in the interview didn't give two hoots as to whether it was opined or published. If you want to say something constructive don't chirp it from the peanut gallery run for office, then we'll all see what you're made of, but until then it might be better to keep your opinions under wraps. You did get a vote after all, but, perhaps you think it didn't count amongst all those millions from less important people... remember it's 'by the people for the people', celebrity doesn't give you more votes or a bigger say. Don't try and dupe Joe Public he knows what democracy means.

Now, to add insult to injury, we get bogged down in the post-mortem apologia. An actor's honor has been so gravely slighted, that his publicist has to arbitrate over the political correctness and abjectness of the apology. Remember Shylock, it's '...a pound no more no less'. Aren't publicists great?

Really, you should all have better things to do... my old mentor always said "stick at what you're good at." Then you won't leave doubt in peoples' minds that you might not actually be good at, or for, anything.

Beautiful People Deserve Each Other

To become one of the world's so called "beautiful people" do you have to abdicate all nicety?

Beauty is often only skin deep in Celebrityville, though some stars are adept at doing all the right things and showing the appropriate degree of humility... Maybe they are genuinely nice people, we can but hope.

Others so evidently display their lack of class and education, with a crassness proportionate only to their bank balances.

Why are such a large numbers of overindulged actors permitted to behave in such a morally and ethically bankrupt manner? Quite simply because the 'spin' sucks so many in. Nobody cares about adultery when it's someone else that is cuckolded, hey that's just another opportunity to garner sympathy for the cuckold. It's an ill wind in Hollywood that doesn't blow everyone some good.

Do we really care about two B Rate actors (if you saw their last movie you'll understand) getting married in Italy? Of course we do, the PR machine builds it up to be the next marriage of the century. We daren't not know anything about it to protect our 'street-cred'. If we all sat down quietly to take stock of the importance of such an event, how many of us would still be awake after five minutes. That's right, politely put it's asinine horse hockey, but, like watching the emperor in the nude nobody wants to be the first to admit it!

Happily for all of us the furore will be over before we can say Lake Como and we can move on to

Not Too Jung to Make a Freudian Slip

I know celebrities will always find it difficult to keep their mouths shut, they do after all need to promote themselves. And, of course there are those that think there is no such thing as bad publicity. But, doesn't persistent bad publicity leave a stain?

Where do dyslexic and diminutive high school drop-outs suddenly become experts in Psychiatry? How did little Tom Thumb cruise to the top of the Human Psyche Tree of Knowledge? The upstart even saw fit to question a university graduate's knowledge of psychiatry on live TV... Hey! at least he finished his schooling and didn't learn everything he know's from visiting space aliens. This joker thinks it would be better to pump a schizophrenic full of vitamins and send him out jogging with a Kalashnikov (enough said).

Meanwhile an Oompa Loompa has become a TV censor. Actors are always the first to demand their right to freedom of speech, but this little one throws his toys out of the stroller if anyone oversteps his boundaries.

Now apparently shorty will yet again rely on the legal profession to deliver his message and gag dissenters. Who resigned and made him God?

Since, titch is such an expert on the subject, he will surely understand if the late Alfred Adler might have cast him in the role of Napoleon.